WTF Happened?

So it occurred to my these past couple days that if you didn't live here in Vegas or a close friend with someone in my family, you might be wondering what the hell happened to me. Well, let me give you an update...
I you've noticed I haven't really blogged since my first scheduled surgery in September and since Sep 28th to be honest things have taken a very unexpected turn for the worse and I've been in and out of hospitals too many times to count. Things just snowballed into something no one expected.
One day here soon I'll go in and post blogs about each one of my surgeries in detail, because after all in addition to this being a place to keep friends and family updated, its also meant to be first hand inspiration for others going through my same situation. For now though, lets just get the details out. My original mastectomy on 9/28 went as planned. They took all my breast tissue and inserted expanders for implants. The incisions were nicely done and the pain from the surgery was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was actually back home from my surgery in 23 hours and the most horrible part was trying to sleep on my back. Things looked good, like I'd be resuming normal life any second...
About two days into being home, I noticed a pain in my shoulder, small at first but as the week wore on it turned into unbearable pain. I couldnt leave the bed or the recliner. The weight of my own arm on my shoulder socket would send such nerve pain down my right side I would hit my knees in pain. My right arm started to go numb and my fingers started to lose grip and motion. I talked to my docs during followups who would just tell me that its not uncommon to have shoulder pain after mastectomies and that they probably laid me on the table wrong during surgery so it met all the symptoms of a pinched nerve. They said massage, ice, heat, and repeat and it would go away...and boy did we try that..over and over...a few more days later nothing was getting better so I went into urgent care for some kind of relief. They took an xray said again it just must be a pinched nerve and sent me home with the strongest pain killers they could prescribe.
A few days later I had a followup with my plastic surgeon. Second setback. The expander on the right side rejected and needs another surgery. I swear its from all the pulling tugging and manipulating we did on the skin from massaging my shoulder and neck on that side but Dr. Spann said sometimes these things just happen and it needs to be fixed with surgery. *sigh* so on Oct 14th I went back under the knife to fix the expander. So much for getting back to normal life in 2 weeks. I did have a little bit of optimism though. I thought that maybe my shoulder pain could really be caused by inflamation in the bad expander and maybe this surgery would fix everything...
That surgery went fine too, in fact I was home pretty quick from the expander surgery again and the good news is it has all healed this time and the second expander looks like its going to work! Bad news shoulder pain is the same. Now I had pain from a new surgery and an arm thats numb and fingers that dont work...ahhhh!
So a few days after surgery i made an appointment with my primary doc, thinking he would take a closer look at the shoulder, send me to a neurologist...something, anything to relive the pinched nerve pain that just wasnt going away! Crying in his office the doc that saw me had me take my shirt off, saw the mastectomy bandage, the drains, my pain level and wouldnt even touch me. I had to make him touch my shoulder to feel for something, force him to look at it and in the end he said it was all from surgery and sent me home with muscle relaxants and the same advice..heat.cool.massage. GRRRR
Three days I suffered at home and to and from doc appointments for lab work and insertion of a port. The cut my right arm open and inserted a semi permanent iv under my skin to admin the chemo and take blood when needed...great just what i needed, more messing with that arm...
Finally I couldnt take it anymore. The Tuesday before halloween enough was enough. This wasn't a pinched nerve, it wasnt healing and I couldnt take the pain. Mom and West took me to an actual emergency room at mountain view hospital where we demanded a CT scan, something more than meds and xrays...and thats when they found it. Bone cancer. The breast cancer had spread to my bones and actually eaten away bones in my neck. The tumors were pressing on my spinal cord and the doctors freaked out. One bad move of my head, one fall, they said I was literally inches from being paralyzed, couldn't believe i was functioning without these bones. Before I knew it, I was in emergency spinal surgery the next day with hip graphs and life saving conversations. It was such a whirlwind. Three days on a breathing tube and ICU, a week in Valley Hospital having the tube removed, learning to swallow and eat again...now I've been in a rehab facility learning to walk in this full body brace and getting the strength up just to learn how to get out of bed and use a walker. How did it come to this?
Tomorrow I get to go home. Such a relieving thought to be home with the ones I love but a scary feeling to know now I need to quickly learn how to function in this brace. I have my first followup appt with my surgeon to look at the incisions and evaluate how I'm healing. I'm looking at 8 weeks in this full body brace and will need a lot of help, I cant take the brace on and off alone, I can;t clean myself, do my own hair etc. but I'm alive and I'm going to get through this...i know its temporary...but still frustrating. I'm still struggling to talk, after all the went through both the front and back of my neck to repair the tumor damage and moving around vocal chords and windpipes in addition to the tube in my neck has left me without much of a voice. It gets stronger each day but I still have trouble talking over a phone or places where people cant see my lips.
As for the cancer, this is obviously not good news. Spreading to the bone makes the cancer a stage 4, incurable terminal cancer that most women don't live more than 4 years from but cancer hasnt met anyone like me before and if there is a will, there is a way..i will fight till the very end whether thats 4 years or 40...
I meet with the radiologist tomorrow to discuss how soon radiation can start. They cant start radiation too soon or the bone graphs will reject but they cant wait too long or the tumors will keep growing...keep eating bone. When treatments do start they will be daily mon-fri for 3 weeks and will be the first step to really fighting the cancer...then theres chemo...but one day at a time...one day at a time..