2 for 1 Blog Post this week!

Hi everyone! Sorry for the extremely long 34 min video. Just think of it as two blogs in one, since I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks. <3

This edition includes:

• New camera - epic fail.
• Luke Bryan concert video montage (coming soon)
• Brian McComas Facebook
• Making Strides Against Breast Cancer - Las Vegas
• Making Strides Against Breast Cancer - Salt Lake City
• The great book debate, should I? Really?
• Aunt Val <3
• What is a power port?
• Cancer Conspiracy
• Turmeric
• More Tumeric
• Steve - Cancer Patient Exercise Therapist - message me for details
• Zazzle & CafePress
• NFL - THINK PINK!!
• Emergency Room Visit
• 6 month spine surgeon checkup
• Lupron shot

Frustration

  Here we go again! 2nd installment of the video blog. Sorry guys, it's kind of a long one. Lots to talk about including my doctor appointment, Kellie Pickler, The Dallas Cowboys, and I received my first hate mail. Must mean I'm really popular if I'm getting fan hate mail, right? LOL

Here's the links as promised:

Melatonin Study (one of many)
http://www.breastcancerchoices.org/melatonin.html

Birch Box - Samples
http://www.birchbox.com/

Fight Like A Girl decals
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Fight-Like-Girl-Pink-Breast-Cancer-Ribbon-decal-/150377882369#vi-content

Kellie Pickler Shaves Her Head
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/09/kellie-pickler-shaves-head-for-breast-cancer-pal/

First Chemo!

So everyone is asking me how I'm doing since my first chemo treatment and the answer is so far so good! My chemo was Wed and after an hour wait in the waiting room and an argument over co-pays, we finally got in to see the doc. Well, actually the docs assistant because he was out last week. She prescribed me two anti-nausea drugs, Compazine to try first and if after I take that and if I'm still sick, to take Zofran.
Then I walked to the back and picked a recliner to sit in. A nurse came over, accessed my port by sticking a tack looking needle in it and proceeded to give me an IV of saline and premeds including a heavy dose of Zofran. West sat with me and held my hand as they did the needle and premeds but I was disappointed when they told me he couldn't stay for the two hours because it was a HIPPA voilation :( but he was allowed to check on me as often as he wanted so he went back and forth from the lobby.
The first drug they gave me, they told me straight out they call it the Red Devil. It's actually called Adriamycin but its known as the red devil because it causes all the side effects: hair loss, vomiting, fatigue, and general crappy feeling. That lasted about 45 minutes in an IV drip and then they gave me something called Cytoxin which lasted another 45 minutes. According to Livestrong.com:
Adriamycin is an anti-tumor drug that attacks the part of a cancer cell responsible for synthesizing RNA and DNA, according to Chemocare.com. Cytoxan is an alkylating agent, and as such works by breaking DNA strands while the cancer cell is in its resting phase before cell division, according to the Core Curriculum for Oncology Nursing.
I felt nothing different during the infusions...and after it was over West and I went to Subway and I ate an entire meatball sandwich lol I hung out the rest of the afternoon with Momo because I was afraid of being alone and violently throwing up but I felt fine Wed night, felt fine Thursday and now today, today I felt just ok. I woke up fine but West helped me take a shower and after the shower, ugh it felt like I ran a marathon and I slept for two hours after. The rest of the day today I just watched West play video games, settled in front of the TV and just took it easy but I can't say the tiredness is any different than the way I felt during radiation nights...
Tomorrow will be the test. My Aunt went through chemo for ovarian cancer and the third day was the worst for her, thats when it really hit her, so we'll see how I feel tomorrow!

Last day of radiation!!

So just a quick note today. Today is my last radiation treatment! I would be more excited but I've been kinda feeling like crap yesterday and today. Today is not so bad, did take a lot to get out of bed this morning and even more to choke down oatmeal but I have to remind myself that I should be thankful I can get put of bed, that I can make myself breakfast.. As there are many worse off than myself!
So as much as I can, I'm going to celebrate my completion of radiation and look forward to my sore throat healing and the fatigue going away. My radiation tech said that radiation works in your body two weeks after the last treatment so it could be awhile until my throat feels normal.
Now my celebration is short lived because tomorrow at 930 is my first chemo dose. I'll go in and spend 15 min with the doc and doing bloodwork to make sure my white count is healthy enough, then they will give me about a half an hour of iv premeds for nausea etc and then it's two hours of the actual chemo. West is being a trooper and sitting with me and then when he goes to work I'm going to hang out with momo bc I'm just not sure what the chemo is going to do so I didn't want to be alone. All in all the chemo should last 3 hours so I should be home by 1.
In other news I saw dr lee yesterday who said my wound on my neck is healing slowly but should start to close after radiation. He also said I've got 6 more weeks in the god awful brace and that's if the radiation didn't slow down the healing but he doesn't want to do X-rays for a few more weeks. I go back and see him on the 23rd.
In other news I don't think I mentioned in any of my posts that I've lost 37lbs with all of this. Now trust me I had the pounds to lose but I don't recommend doing it in this fashion. The problem is, between my sore throat and all of my meds/radiation upsetting my stomach, I have zero appetite. I've been taking nausea meds but they just settle your stomach, they don't make you hungry. I'm drinking ensure, taking a multivitamin and trying to choke down breakfast at least so I can take my meds but if anyone has any ideas to stimulate appetite I'd like to hear them. I feel like I have the stomach flu and the sight of food makes me want to throw up...
Well off to my final radiation! I hope the side effects this afternoon are better than yesterday bc yesterday I came home and pretty much napped from 3pm on...

WTF Happened?

So it occurred to my these past couple days that if you didn't live here in Vegas or a close friend with someone in my family, you might be wondering what the hell happened to me. Well, let me give you an update...
I you've noticed I haven't really blogged since my first scheduled surgery in September and since Sep 28th to be honest things have taken a very unexpected turn for the worse and I've been in and out of hospitals too many times to count. Things just snowballed into something no one expected.
One day here soon I'll go in and post blogs about each one of my surgeries in detail, because after all in addition to this being a place to keep friends and family updated, its also meant to be first hand inspiration for others going through my same situation. For now though, lets just get the details out. My original mastectomy on 9/28 went as planned. They took all my breast tissue and inserted expanders for implants. The incisions were nicely done and the pain from the surgery was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was actually back home from my surgery in 23 hours and the most horrible part was trying to sleep on my back. Things looked good, like I'd be resuming normal life any second...
About two days into being home, I noticed a pain in my shoulder, small at first but as the week wore on it turned into unbearable pain. I couldnt leave the bed or the recliner. The weight of my own arm on my shoulder socket would send such nerve pain down my right side I would hit my knees in pain. My right arm started to go numb and my fingers started to lose grip and motion. I talked to my docs during followups who would just tell me that its not uncommon to have shoulder pain after mastectomies and that they probably laid me on the table wrong during surgery so it met all the symptoms of a pinched nerve. They said massage, ice, heat, and repeat and it would go away...and boy did we try that..over and over...a few more days later nothing was getting better so I went into urgent care for some kind of relief. They took an xray said again it just must be a pinched nerve and sent me home with the strongest pain killers they could prescribe.
A few days later I had a followup with my plastic surgeon. Second setback. The expander on the right side rejected and needs another surgery. I swear its from all the pulling tugging and manipulating we did on the skin from massaging my shoulder and neck on that side but Dr. Spann said sometimes these things just happen and it needs to be fixed with surgery. *sigh* so on Oct 14th I went back under the knife to fix the expander. So much for getting back to normal life in 2 weeks. I did have a little bit of optimism though. I thought that maybe my shoulder pain could really be caused by inflamation in the bad expander and maybe this surgery would fix everything...
That surgery went fine too, in fact I was home pretty quick from the expander surgery again and the good news is it has all healed this time and the second expander looks like its going to work! Bad news shoulder pain is the same. Now I had pain from a new surgery and an arm thats numb and fingers that dont work...ahhhh!
So a few days after surgery i made an appointment with my primary doc, thinking he would take a closer look at the shoulder, send me to a neurologist...something, anything to relive the pinched nerve pain that just wasnt going away! Crying in his office the doc that saw me had me take my shirt off, saw the mastectomy bandage, the drains, my pain level and wouldnt even touch me. I had to make him touch my shoulder to feel for something, force him to look at it and in the end he said it was all from surgery and sent me home with muscle relaxants and the same advice..heat.cool.massage. GRRRR
Three days I suffered at home and to and from doc appointments for lab work and insertion of a port. The cut my right arm open and inserted a semi permanent iv under my skin to admin the chemo and take blood when needed...great just what i needed, more messing with that arm...
Finally I couldnt take it anymore. The Tuesday before halloween enough was enough. This wasn't a pinched nerve, it wasnt healing and I couldnt take the pain. Mom and West took me to an actual emergency room at mountain view hospital where we demanded a CT scan, something more than meds and xrays...and thats when they found it. Bone cancer. The breast cancer had spread to my bones and actually eaten away bones in my neck. The tumors were pressing on my spinal cord and the doctors freaked out. One bad move of my head, one fall, they said I was literally inches from being paralyzed, couldn't believe i was functioning without these bones. Before I knew it, I was in emergency spinal surgery the next day with hip graphs and life saving conversations. It was such a whirlwind. Three days on a breathing tube and ICU, a week in Valley Hospital having the tube removed, learning to swallow and eat again...now I've been in a rehab facility learning to walk in this full body brace and getting the strength up just to learn how to get out of bed and use a walker. How did it come to this?
Tomorrow I get to go home. Such a relieving thought to be home with the ones I love but a scary feeling to know now I need to quickly learn how to function in this brace. I have my first followup appt with my surgeon to look at the incisions and evaluate how I'm healing. I'm looking at 8 weeks in this full body brace and will need a lot of help, I cant take the brace on and off alone, I can;t clean myself, do my own hair etc. but I'm alive and I'm going to get through this...i know its temporary...but still frustrating. I'm still struggling to talk, after all the went through both the front and back of my neck to repair the tumor damage and moving around vocal chords and windpipes in addition to the tube in my neck has left me without much of a voice. It gets stronger each day but I still have trouble talking over a phone or places where people cant see my lips.
As for the cancer, this is obviously not good news. Spreading to the bone makes the cancer a stage 4, incurable terminal cancer that most women don't live more than 4 years from but cancer hasnt met anyone like me before and if there is a will, there is a way..i will fight till the very end whether thats 4 years or 40...
I meet with the radiologist tomorrow to discuss how soon radiation can start. They cant start radiation too soon or the bone graphs will reject but they cant wait too long or the tumors will keep growing...keep eating bone. When treatments do start they will be daily mon-fri for 3 weeks and will be the first step to really fighting the cancer...then theres chemo...but one day at a time...one day at a time..

P-A-R-T-Y - Boob Voyage

For starters, I added some of you to my email list so my blog comes right to your inbox. I didn’t know that meant it would be coming like a giant email to your inbox, I thought it would just say “Candice posted a new blog” and send you a link. So..for all those confused that I was sending them personal emails with big long stories lol its supposed to be an update to my blog that I subscribed you to. Check the subject line. If it says  “Killer Boobs, Attack!” then it’s just an automatic copy of what you’re seeing online. I’m still trying to figure this all out.

Ok! I know it’s a little late notice but I am having my Boob Voyage party this weekend. It’s going to be this Saturday (24^th). Just show up any time between 2 and 3. It will be a BBQ (from what I hear we’re BBQing steaks), there will be a pool for swimming, good food for eating and maybe even a cocktail or four. Mainly, we’re going to just hang out and have a good time. I wanted one last hoorah with everyone before I start to feel like crap after recovery and maybe even through chemo.

Here’s a map to the party: http://g.co/maps/7e7tt

Now if you’re reading this and asking, well is she talking to me? Am I invited? Well OF COURSE YOU ARE! Everyone is! EVERYONE. If you’re reading this, you’re invited. I’ll send an invitation on facebook too but if you don’t get it, or don’t have facebook, then consider this your formal invitation.

I bet you’re asking if you can bring anything? For the most part, no. I just want your shining face present but if you’re one of those people that feel like they MUST bring something, then I’m not going to stop you lol I like food. Bring food, but make it boob related. Ya know, boobie shaped cupcakes, something in a “reduction sauce”, cheese balls in the shapes of boobies…I don’t care…and I don’t care how you relate it to boobs (soda with boobs drawn on the label) but match the theme. J

…and the final question that came up, was if you should bring a gift. I’m not exactly sure what constitutes an “ I’m sorry you have breast cancer and getting your boobs cut off” gift. If it were me I’d have no idea what to get that person so in my mind the idea of bringing a gift is ridiculous. Not needed. Really. HOWEVER it has been brought to my attention that everyone around me wants to help, and feels helpless, and they just think that bringing me a LITTLE (emphasis on small) something would make them feel better so IF you feel like you just can’t come without a gift, this is the list of things I’ve compiled for my surgery care package wish list:

·         Pillows (all shapes and sizes to prop me, my arms etc. up while sleeping)

·         Front closure shirts and PJ’s (cuz I can’t lift my arms to pull stuff over my head for awhile)

·         Baby wipes

·         Dry shampoo

·         Chapstick

·         Mints/hard candy

·         Kids Sippy Cups (apparently reaching for the cup with a straw in it is ridiculously hard after surgery)

·         Gatorade/Vitamin Water

·         Magazines/newspapers

Hope to see ya’ll there! I know RSVP is pretty much dead lol but if you can send me a quick note and let me know whether you can come or not, that would be awesome :)

BTW – If you can’t come, don’t sweat it. I’m planning on having another shindig once this is all over. My stepmom had an awesome idea. You see, at some point I’m going to get some nipples grafted on and those nipples need to be tattooed for color so I’m planning on having a tattoo party in a few months to celebrate beating the crap out of the cancer and the finale of all my surgeries! We’ll eat, drink, be merry and everyone (if they choose) can get a tattoo! I’ll invite a tattoo artist or two…something to look forward to!

Save the date!

SO! I FINALLY HAVE A SURGERY DATE!! After a little over a month of talking talking talking....we're finally going to take some action. I talked to my surgeons office today and I finally have a surgery date. I will be having my double mastectomy on Wednesday September 28th at 10:30am. The whole surgery will take between 3 and 5 hours.They are going to:

• Make an incision
• Remove the tumor and send it off for testing
• Remove breast tissue from my collar bone to my arm pits to my back
• Remove the nipples (but save as much other skin as they can)
• Do a lymph node biopsy and remove lymph nodes if they contain cancer
• Insert tissue expanders behind the muscle
• Fill those tissue expanders as much as my muscle and skin will allow
• Close everything back up

 The surgery will take place at Spring Valley Hospital. I think it's on the corner of Rainbow and Hacienda but I haven't been there before. Apparently, I'm getting a packet of information sent to me in the mail but sometime next week I have to go for a bunch of blood tests and a chest X-Ray. Then I have to go down to Spring Valley and pre-register as a patient for surgery. I don't know how long I will be in the actual hospital for. That depends on how smoothly the surgery goes and how much pain I'm in after. I've talked to a lot of people who have told me they stayed anywhere between just overnight to as much as 5 days in the hospital so....I guess we'll play this one by ear. As with any surgery, I won't know my room number and all of that until I come out and get assigned so I'll post that when I'm awake again lol

Mastectomy Scar Tattoo

Now the first question I got asked to was if I was excited? Now excited probably isn't the right word. I'm relieved to have a date and know action is on the way. I'm comforted knowing that soon this tumor that is reaking havoc in my body will be gone and I'm just plain ready to have the whole thing over with. The flipped side to that coin is it finally makes it real. It's happening. The inevitable is happening and I'm getting all those nerves and jitters that come with any operation. I trust my doctors, I know things are going to be fine but it's now a week and a half of anticipation to deal with. I am watching surgery videos to be informed and now finally connect what I'm seeing on the screen to what is going to happen to my body. I'm going to wake up and the breasts I've had for 28 years are going to be gone. They're not going to grow back. It's not like cutting my hair. A piece of me is being taken and looking in the mirror, no matter how much I complain about their size, how they hang, how I can't ever find any bras for them, they are still my breasts and I prefer to keep them. I'm devastated knowing that I will never ever ever feel the sensation of my nipples being touched or rubbing against fabric, that I'll never have my real nipples again. I can take pictures of my breasts to remember them, I can make a mold of my breasts to remind me of their size and shape but you can't bottle a feeling, a sensation. It's like a part of me is dying and I'm in mourning in a way.

The second question I got asked was if I want you there? Well of course. I could always use a visit from you. I'm speaking generally but seriously, I welcome anyone who wants to come down for the surgery, who wants to come down to visit me after the surgery, to come on down. The more the merrier! I'm going to be bored out of my mind at the hospital. I would love to see each and every one of your smiling faces. Now I probably can't go clubbing with you in the evenings and show you around the city but...if you want to play a bored game, or catch a movie on TV, I'm your girl :) Speaking of visiting, that means that I will probably have my Boob Voyage party the weekend before, the weekend of Sep 23 so if you're interested in going to that, let me know......the more the merrier to that also!! Would be nice to party it up before I start to feel like crap! :)

Now is as good as any time to mention that I'm going through a lot of anger this week. I'm mad at my breasts for rebelling against me. I'm mad at stupid people. I'm mad at people that do things to their bodies on a daily basis that cause cancer but yet they don't get cancer. Yeah. I'm talking to you, you people that smoke. Most of my family, some of my friends, and even my roommate smokes. I'm mad at you. I'm angry at you. I don't mean I personally have a vendetta against you...its not personal...but I'm severely upset with you people as a whole. You smokers. You people use a product that ON THE FUCKING LABEL says it causes cancer yet you continue to use it. Some of you have used it for more years than I'm alive. The product is a known cause of cancer and you know this is the consequence when you light up yet apparently to you guys it's more important to get that hit of nicotine than it is to stay alive. You do something all day every day that SHORTENS YOUR LIFE SPAN yet you guys aren't the ones that end up with cancer. I do. I get cancer. I don't smoke, I've never done a single drug in my life, I don't drink excessively. I stay out of the sun. I do everything to PREVENT cancer and this is my reward? Meanwhile you guys do the shit that causes it, YOU ASK FOR CANCER EVERYDAY and I'm the one that has to go through this. I'm the one that suffers. How is that right? How is that justified? How do you guys get to be selfish but yet my life hangs in the balance? I mean I had anger before this. I have asthma and some days breathing for me is so difficult it hurts. I cherish my lungs and wish every day to just wake up and have the disease gone and you guys take two perfectly good lungs and RUIN THEM selfishly in front of me while I watch hopeless, helpless. You should be ashamed of yourselves. YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS CANCER - NOT ME. I don't deserve this.

Just a LUMP in the road...

Just a lump in the road…

Ehehmm…is this thing on? Testing….testing…ahh ok. Well. I suppose since I have your attention now, I should introduce myself. My name is Candice Chilton and you’ve reached my blog…leave a message at the tone and I’ll get back to you when I can/feel like it/if I love you…er…wait…wrong message. Focus…focus… I’m a 28 year old Vegas livin, music lovin, smart ass. I am originally from Carson City born and raised but I’ve been in Vegas now for a little over a year. I live with my boyfriend of almost 4 years, West, and his brother Evan…and my three cats, Bella, Tara and Neka in a two-bedroom (why-does-the-whole-place-smell-like-cat-litter-eventhough-I-bought-a-$80-effin-electronic-cat-box) apartment. I am an office manager for a restaurant group on the Vegas strip and I’m a student at CSN pursuing a degree in event management. When I’m not working, going to school, fighting/bantering/bickering with the people I live with over who’s turn it is to do the dishes, or blogging, I’m usually helping my mom run her part time jewelry company (insert cheap advertising space here) called Neon Skullworks (www.neonskullworks.com). Oh yeah, and I have breast cancer.

Jesus! I know, right? You found this blog/know me/reading because you know I have breast cancer and you want to read all about it, and here I go writing a whole paragraph NOT about breast cancer. Ya know why? Because of all the things I’ve done/doing/about to do, the last thing I want you to remember about me is that I have breast cancer. Yeah, yeah, I’m writing a blog about it so it’s hard to forget, I’m not saying pretend I don’t have it, I’m just demonstrating how A) there are a lot more pieces to me than my cancer and B) that I refuse to let this stupid effing mofo $#%#$^#$^#$% disease define who I am. So while yes, this is a blog about my experience with the disease I also plan on incorporating my daily life in the mix too.

Here’s what this will not be. This will not be a pity blog. This will not be a blog all about woest me, feel sorry for me, pity me, and give me that look when you see me. Ya know that look. We all do it, that “oh poor thing has cancer, and she’s so young look”. This will not be a blog for the weak, thin skinned, easily offended people who like to read pity blogs. Here’s what this blog will be: A tell it like it is, exactly like it is, probably too many details than you ever wanted to know about the entire breast cancer experience and then some blog with so much humor added in, you’ll probably forget cancer is such a scary thing. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to post pictures of my boobs. Go back and read that sentence again. Yep, I know. Shocking. A breast cancer blog with boobs…and don’t worry all my fathers/brothers/uncles/sisters/etc. that don’t care to see my boobs. I’ll put a warning before aforementioned post so you may skip to the next chapter before being flashed – and maybe blogger might take my post down and say that its porn…to which I’ll laugh hysterically but I do feel its important to put this out there in this way because if I help someone my age battling the same disease, put them at ease, let them know what to expect, then this blog has done its job.

So hang in there with me and please post comments. Seriously. I don’t mean read and just close, like interact! I want to know what you think/feel/saw/react etc. because this disease isn’t just about me. It effects everyone around me, yep yep, that’d be you…you reading….and as such you get a say in the whole shebang. Get ready to laugh, cry, be disgusted, be amazed, celebrate and repeat. Maybe not necessarily in that order but more importantly get ready to smile with me….because when you smile, you’re less likely to give me “that look” J

--Candice--